I Quit!
by Kylie Anderson
Summary: After a difficult year, Aaron Hotchner has finally decided he has had ENOUGH! His offical reason for quitting? Dr. Spencer Reid is a "danger magnet".


I Quit!

Pacing in his office, Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner came to a solution…the ultimate solution to his problem. And no, it wasn't the medicine he would rub on his head to make the hair he pulled out grow back… It was something far more drastic.

He marched to the office of Erin Strauss, his speech running through his head. He passed several members of his team, but he simply walked past them. As he did so, there was concern in their eyes. He must have looked like the madman he was…

He pounded on the door. Hell, what did he have to loose at this point? She would fire him? Ha! "Don't break my door! Just come in!" Strauss called, clearly annoyed.

Hotch burst in, his tie untied, his hair thrown about, his clothes wrinkled and his eyes reddish from lack of sleep. "Aaron…" Strauss began slowly.

"I quit! I give up! I surrender!" Hotch shouted, _loudly_.

Surprised at his outburst, Strauss gestured to a chair. "Please, sit down…" Strauss offered.

"No! I will not sit! I am giving you my notice. I am done. Consider yourself notified…" Hotch said firmly and then turned to leave.

"Wait!" Strauss said, confused. "I tried so hard to get rid of you and you wouldn't go. Now, you can't wait to get out of here. What's going on? A mid-life crisis?"

Hotch resumed his pacing. "You can call it that." Hotch said bitterly.

Strauss tilted her head. "What would you call it?" Strauss asked.

"Reid," Hotch said, ceasing his pacing.

"Reid? As in Dr. Spencer Reid?" Strauss questioned, still lost.

"Yes!" Hotch said. "I can't take it anymore!"

"What? His work?" Strauss asked. "I always thought that you were fond of Dr. Reid. He does well here at the BAU."

"It's not that." Hotch said.

"Then what? His clothes? His singing?" Strauss asked seriously.

"No!" Hotch said forcefully. "You of all people should _know_…"

"Know what?!?" Strauss said, standing up in pure anger. "Spit it out already! Don't keep me guessing!"

Sighing, Hotch shook his head. "He's a danger magnet. That's my official term. He attracts danger like he's a magnet." Hotch said.

"A danger magnet?" Strauss repeated, raising her eyebrows.

"Oh please, you must have noticed! He's a liability to the FBI." Hotch said. "I mean, honestly, he's been kidnapped more than every agent in the FBI combined! And the unsub's love to hold him hostage. What? Is it his hair that makes them want to keep him?"

"He does have nice hair." Strauss agreed.

"He constantly is tortured and he was addicted to drugs!" Hotch said. "His childhood was sad, his mother's a nut job and I mean that in the most professional way. She's loco. He's a misunderstood genius; cute, adorable, smart. He can talk to any serial killer any day of the week, but he can't talk to girls! He's a social freak."

"What's prompting you to quit now?" Strauss asked.

Hotch held out his hand. "Wait! I'm not done my rant. Let me finish my rant!" Hotch yelled like a child. "About a week ago, he was poisoned by anthrax! ANTHRAX! Come on! His health insurance must be through the roof."

"True, true…" Strauss said. "But why now?"

His chest heaving, Hotch pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to Strauss. It was an e-mail, warning employees of the FBI about Swine Flu and how to prevent it. "So?" Strauss asked. "I got one of these too."

"Reid is downstairs right now. He's exhibiting flu-like symptoms." Hotch said stiffly.

Strauss nodded. "I see what you mean. With his track record, it's undoubtedly Swine Flu." Strauss said.

"Now that you understand…I quit!" Hotch said.

"You can't." Strauss said sadly.

"Why not?" Hotch asked.

"No one would fill the position." Strauss said, shrugging her shoulders. "Sorry."

Getting down on his knees, Hotch looked at her with his best puppy eyes. "Please!" He begged.

But Strauss had a heart of stone. "Sorry…" She said. "Now, get up off my floor and get back to work."

Hating her, Hotch left Strauss's office. As he did so, he noticed two men in black approaching the hacking Reid. He raced over. "Dr. Reid? You need to come with us." One man announced.

"Wait, who are you?" Hotch questioned.

The other man pulled out a badge. CIA. "We're taking him." He said firmly.

_Great, the CIA is kidnapping him…_ Hotch thought. _Maybe I'll do what Greenaway did and go all vigilante. Or maybe I'll run off and join Gideon, wherever he is. _

"Don't worry about it Hotch!" Reid coughed as he was escorted away. "It'll be a new experience. I've been kidnapped by crazy people plenty of times before, but I've never been kidnapped by the CIA!"

**The End**

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

A/N- I normally write serious stuff and this was my first "out there" piece. I hope you enjoyed the randomness!

Kylie Anderson


End file.
